Shannon Is BACK!!!!

It’s been awhile!!

I started this blog last September as a way to keep in touch with my friends who I didn’t see as often as I liked. I’ve always loved to write and I love to talk about my life, and this seemed like a natural extension. I had NO idea that so many people would read it or that it would spawn a hailstorm of shit-talk about me on a college gossip website.

Sample post: “She dresses like a MILF and her voice makes me want to punch a baby."

Note to babies: I’m sorry.

In November, someone that I had mentioned on the blog found out about it and asked me to take it down. Rather than sort through and delete mentions of him, I decided to simplify matters by temporarily disabling the whole thing. In the meantime, I found out that a TON of people were reading the blog, and that it had even been linked to sorority's listserve (stay classy AXO!) Once I realized that so many people who didn’t actually know me were reading intimate details about my life (ahem, sex life) I decided to call it quits until I could figure out a way to filter who could and couldn’t view the blog.

That’s a huge bummer for you all, because you missed out on November, which was fucking crazy. So crazy that I’m probably never going to write about it, because I do want a husband and a career someday (*by someday I mean when I’m like 23; I’m pretty much ready to settle down). Also so crazy that I decided to take a self-imposed hiatus from the rock-and-roll lifestyle. I got a job in a high-end retail store and spent my weekends in December at home: working, studying for finals, and doing Christmas-y stuff with my family (I love Christmas).

When spring semester rolled around it looked back to business as usual. My roommate and I moved to an awesome new apartment on South Campus (you literally could not get any closer to the bars) and kicked off the semester by throwing a party for our friend’s 20^th birthday. Unfortunately, we accidentally used double shots glasses that resulted in us consuming something like 16-20 shots, getting busted by the RAs, me throwing all the alcohol in the oven with the caps off (fyi alcohol is flammable), losing all my stuff, leaving my sister at the bar, and ultimately almost getting kicked off campus. Yup, business as usual.

And then came Snowpocalypse 2010, which was fucking crazy. The last week of snow week was L.’s 21^st birthday party, where I decided to demonstrate to him how mature and classy and soo over-him I was since the last time I’d seen him (aka when I’d slept with him about 2 weeks prior) by fucking his roommate. In my defense, his roommate had a sick body and a job offer at Goldman Sachs (I mean, Goldman Sachs!). He was also huge—it was like putting a rectangle inside me.

But this is all beside the point that I am leading up to, which is that the very same night, I met a guy I really liked and decided to get my act together. No more blackouts, random hook-ups, drunk sex. Granted I only ended up hanging out with him for about a month before things went south. The deck was pretty stacked against us considering that he was on the football team too, knew that I’d slept with Goldman Sachs about 45 minutes before I met him, and had heard allll about my past. Still, the idea of focusing my energy and attention on one person and reining in my reckless behavior had stuck, and I felt like I was on a better path.

A couple weeks later, I started dating a basketball player from a school up north. He wasn’t your typical athlete—he was smart (pre-med), motivated (taking classes, running a mentor program, and working as an EMT) and interesting. I could talk to him for hours about politics, God, race, existentialism. Essentially he was just an observant person who was interested in the world around him—and I was compelled. I drew further and further away from the UMD party scene.

Unfortunately for Basketball Player, that’s when I met my dream guy (who I’ll call Dream Guy) and it was all systems go from there. Dream Guy was 5 years older, graduated from college, good job, nice apartment, new truck. Six-four, enormous biceps, cute (picture a taller version of Ronnie from Jersey Shore). Tats and a motorcycle—you know, every girl’s dream. Treated me well, paid for everything, and amazing sex—ohhh lord. I know it sounds like I’m making it up, but trust me, if this was a fantasy it’d have ended Happily Ever After (ya know with a rock on my finger). And it didn’t.

Without going into too much detail, things ended a few weeks after the end of spring semester. I was heartbroken, and a little regretful about how I’d spent the past few months. I’d turned myself into a person that I didn’t quite recognize for a series of guys. Granted, this was a version of myself that I liked; and granted, I probably needed to take a hiatus from my reckless lifestyle of the fall semester, but c’mon, this was college. Five years from now, I’d probably have a ring on my finger, six-figure job, McMansion in the suburbs, and three kids. When else am I supposed to get reckless?

Fortunately for me (and you guys) I was about to move back to College Park for the summer, where I’d live as I worked a fulltime job. Time to make up for lost time. And in the four-month hiatus from my craziness (literally, four months: February 12 through June 12 exactly) something weird had happened: I’d lost my tolerance for alcohol. Okay, let me clarify: I hadn’t lost my tolerance for drinking alcohol, but somewhere down the line my ability to retain memories of what happened to me every night had gone completely down the toilet. So you’re about to hear a lot of stories centered around “…and then I woke up.” A few highlights: How I Lost My Pants, How I Lost My Phone, How I Lost Someone Else’s Phone, and What Not To Do When You Have Your Period. 

Ready? Good. Because I’m back!

NOTE: The reason I deleted my blog last year was that too many people were reading it who didn’t know me and didn’t have good intentions. I started getting a bad reputation so I had to shut it down. To prevent that, I changed the privacy settings so it can only be read by people I have invited, who then must create a log-in through Google Setting up the Google account only takes like two minutes but hopefully it will serve as a deterrent for anyone with malicious intentions. If you know someone who wants to read it, send me their email and I’ll sent them an invite. Alternatively, I don’t really care if you give out your log-in info to your friends back home, at different schools, etc—but please be judicious about it. Otherwise I’ll have to shut it down again, and you totally don’t want that!

(Also, if this looks short to you, it's because I pared down the blog a little and deleted some of the less interesting posts. I kept the highlights!)