New Feature: What Would Lauren Do?

Often in college we are confronted with a variety of tricky etiquette dilemmas that have us questioning how to behave in certain situations. Navigating these delicate situations is crucial towards success in shared environments. In order to aid and guide you towards appropriate social behavior, I have introduced a new section to my blog called What Would Lauren Do?

Situation: You're hooking up with a cute guy and you're naked, when all his roommates walk in. How do you alleviate any awkwardness and ensure that the roommates like you and want you to come back again?

WWLD: Don't worry about putting your clothes back on -just give his roommates naked hugs! Be sure demonstrate your friendliness and goodwill by giving very enthusiastic hugs: for instance, jumping into their arms and straddling them! Don't worry: once you've given one a hug, they'll all want hugs. Sometimes more than one hug! From now on, you will always be a welcome guest in their apartment! (This is especially effective when his roommates are large black football men).

Situation: It's 2am. You're really drunk. You just brought back a hot guy to the apartment and you need a fun activity to do. What's the best way to entertain him?

WWLD: Have sex! Just kidding. Actually, a much more fun activity is to introduce him to your neighbors! Don't worry if they're asleep--just bang on the door until they let you in. Then take the guy on a tour of their apartment. If they have any fun toys like guitars, you should definitely play with those too!! Bonus points if you've known your neighbors for less than 2 weeks--it's an excellent way to bond and show them that you're not a ho.

Situation: You hook up with this hot baseball player and he leaves his expensive designer watch in your room. What should you do?

WWLD: Ignore all his texts and just keep the watch! Then, when you've found a super-hot guy to fuck on the regular, give him the watch! As a present!! It's like a token of your appreciation for his sexiness and he'll, like, love you forever!

Situation: You just applied self-tanner and can't put on clothes until it dries. However, your roommates are home and you want to preserve modesty while still be able to walk freely around the apartment. How should you handle this?

WWLD: Wear a paper towel!

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That's all for now; WWLD will be back later to answer any and all of your pertinent etiquette dilemmas!